They say the invisible sky is an empire of its own without an
edge,
With wind as clear and incalculable as the sea, some fish-like birds allege.
Both my brother’s heart and mine beat intimately as one,
Until a fateful race of flight when we were separated by the sun.
With wind as clear and incalculable as the sea, some fish-like birds allege.
Both my brother’s heart and mine beat intimately as one,
Until a fateful race of flight when we were separated by the sun.
Blinded was Jatayu as he dove headfirst from Indra’s heavens
high,
For lonely as the scorching star is as she's hung idly in the sky,
She’s bound to solitary confinement by her ultra-violet light.
Thus, my outstretched wing-ed barrier did little to obstruct her beams so bright,
And earthbound did I spiral, feathers scalded, toward Mount Vindhya’s height.
With visions of a flightless future and denied eternal rest,
My existence thus seemed only a cruel and useless test.
Instead vowed Saint Nishakra that my charred body could be cured,
And foretold that as compensation for a just deed would my senses be restored.
For lonely as the scorching star is as she's hung idly in the sky,
She’s bound to solitary confinement by her ultra-violet light.
Thus, my outstretched wing-ed barrier did little to obstruct her beams so bright,
And earthbound did I spiral, feathers scalded, toward Mount Vindhya’s height.
With visions of a flightless future and denied eternal rest,
My existence thus seemed only a cruel and useless test.
Instead vowed Saint Nishakra that my charred body could be cured,
And foretold that as compensation for a just deed would my senses be restored.
Alas, at once I was able to wade in Varuna’s cleansing shore,
Finally, as youthful and vigorous was my love of life just as it was before.
As predicted I was able to come to virtuous Rama’s aid,
And my health for his hope did we trade.
Finally, as youthful and vigorous was my love of life just as it was before.
As predicted I was able to come to virtuous Rama’s aid,
And my health for his hope did we trade.
“Remember, please, my memory of Jatayu as you go reclaim your
queen,
A valient vulture whose lost life can’t so simply be redeemed.
He was a brave and noble bird who was known to always intervene,
And befriend every single soul even when consequences were extreme.
I can only hope to mimic his moral example I so esteem,
And in this effort alone I would be living out his dream.”
A second chance I was given, from the ashes did I rise,
So why am I obliged to revisit the place of my demise?
I pity the poor sun so isolated from her solar system kin,
A celestial paradise so vast and secluding is so woefully grim…
Author’s note: A valient vulture whose lost life can’t so simply be redeemed.
He was a brave and noble bird who was known to always intervene,
And befriend every single soul even when consequences were extreme.
I can only hope to mimic his moral example I so esteem,
And in this effort alone I would be living out his dream.”
A second chance I was given, from the ashes did I rise,
So why am I obliged to revisit the place of my demise?
I pity the poor sun so isolated from her solar system kin,
A celestial paradise so vast and secluding is so woefully grim…
(Based on the episode "Sampati and Jatayu") I ask that anyone who reads this be kind—this is the first time I have attempted rhyming verse since probably High School (long, long ago). I know some of it sounds awkward, but I am actually quite proud of myself even if my version is shorter and not as accurately detailed as the original. Also, I did spend a lot of time on this but as much as I wanted to edit it further, I had the Canvas due date to think about. I hope you enjoy my re-imagining of Sampati’s story in his own voice of the time he flew too close to the sun and was disfigured until he was restored to health as a favor for helping Rama on his quest for Sita. Other than my struggle to turn the PDE’s prose version into poetry, I tried to give a bit more depth to the characters which included personifying the sun, at least in Sampati’s eyes. I hope this insight into Sampati’s mind will make sense of his experience of being burned by the sun and losing his brother whom he so admired.
PS- I had a hard time coming up with a unique title for this story, so if anyone has a suggestion based on how they understood the story, I am all ears!
Bibliography:
Author: Various
Title: Ramayana
Source: Public Domain Edition, Web
(Image Source: Graphic made by me, SumoPaint Photo Editor)
Hey Brittany! I think your story in verse here is really good! You did a great job creating a rhythm which engages the reader and adds to the mournful tone of the poem. Also, the rhyming was incredible -- I'm so impressed that you were able to retell the story and keep faithful to the rhyming. I like the near rhymes especially. I wonder if the poem would be more effective without the italics. I know that they're there for emphasis, but I feel like they disrupt the rhythm. I wonder if you could incorporate italics into other places to make these more effective and not unexpected? What if you include some allusion to other classical myths -- the myth of Icarus, specifically? A lot of rhyming poetry that I have read includes references to the mythic tradition of the West. A poetic combination of the East, through the Ramayana's story of Sampati and Jatayu, as the Indian epics, with the West, Icarus or other western epics, could be really cool. And it should work well considering the myths are so similar. All in all, this was a really impressive retelling!
ReplyDeleteHi Brittany! Wow, I really liked your story. I like how you chose to write the story as a poem, it's something I have yet to see when I've been reading other people's stories. It really caught my attention right away. I loved this part of the Ramayana because it reminds me of the tale of Icarus in Greek myth (I love Greek mythology). Did you consider making any allusion to that story? One possible suggestion for a title that I came up with was "Brothers of a Feather" since they're vulture brothers. Totally just a suggestion though, you don't have to use it if you don't like it. :) I really enjoyed the rythm of the story, I think you did a good job, my only suggestion might be like Alex said earlier, possibly taking out the italics on the two words? It almost throws me off that it's there for some reason, I'm not sure why. Other than that,fantastic job, keep up your hard work!
ReplyDeleteHi Brittany! I remember reading the story of Jatayu and Sampati very well. I think you did an amazing job at rhyming verse here. There was a specific story to stick to which really closes you in creatively but you made it work seamlessly. I was also very intrigued to see that you did poetry instead of just a story. I really enjoyed it. I might try and incorporate some poetry on my blog so thank you for the inspiration. You did a great job of retelling this story. I knew exactly what story you were retelling but it had an original take. As for a story title maybe something along the lines of "The Greatest Loss" or "A Brothers Sacrifice". Something that tells the reader the main point of the poem but is also mysterious. I really loved your poetry and I am looking forward to reading more from you!
ReplyDeleteHi Brittany, props to you for this awesome poem! It can be hard to find words that rhyme AND fit in the storyline, and I think you did a wonderful job. Your poem flows nicely and does a great job telling the story. I think the story you picked for the poem was a really fitting one too because it just seems like a meaningful and poetic story. Birds are also very graceful creatures so that fits well that the point of view is from the bird, Sampati. I really enjoyed reading this story as a poem!
ReplyDeleteHi Brittany! You did a really good job at creating this poem, I for sure would not have even thought about making a poem; however, you did a really good job at it. Its really hard to create a story line in a poem and maintain the rhyming that comes with a tradition poem. There was only a few formatting issues that presented themselves, but nothing that really distracts the reader from the actual story. Overall, really good job on the story.
ReplyDelete