Comment Wall: "Tales of Twinhood" Storybook

Sunday, September 15, 2019


(Image Sources: Graphic made by me, SumopaintNeedpix Free Images)


  1. Hi Brittany! I really love the black and white theme that you have going for your blog as well as your storybook. I like your home page it looks very clean and easy to use. However, you might want to make your comment wall button just a little easier to find. Your introduction is full of imagery and cleverness. It was a very interesting read that definitely made me want to read the other pages in the storybook. It is just one big block of text and you might consider breaking it up into smaller, easier to read paragraphs. I appreciate that you gave us a little background into each of the pairs of twins you are going to be looking at throughout your storybook. I like that each of them represent opposites almost. I am really looking forward to learning more about these sets of twins that will undoubtedly make your storybook two times as interesting.

  2. Brittany, this already sounds so cool! I love the theme that you’re doing. It’s very easy to look at and goes along great with your story. I’m excited to learn more about all of the twins, the way you’ve set them up is intriguing. I’m interested to see where you’ll take this. You’ve set it up with many mature themes, like life and death. I’m excited to see where this takes you narratively! You have a great outline going for you, I don’t have any questions or suggestions to make as of right now. It’ll be great to see these characters build on their complementary and possibly contradictory relationships. You have a lot of room for character studies, which I think is the direction that you’re going with this, but I could be wrong. Excellent work so far. I’m really looking forward to reading more about the twins! Great job!

  3. Hi Brittany. This is a very interesting and thoughtful topic. What made you interested in exploring twins in Indian mythology? And the fact that you are going to incorporate both prose and poetry is quite exciting. Are you a fan of poetry? Have you ever written a story in verse? I can't imagine that it will be easy to do and applaud you for giving it a shot. I am quite intrigued as well by the "messages about life and humanity" that you are planning on including in your story. I also love the look of the site. The black and white aesthetic ties together your project site and your blog quite nicely, making them feel like one is an extension of the other. There's also the yin and yang, twin-like quality to using very simple black and white look throughout your pages. I can't wait to see what you do next!

  4. Hey Brittany,

    The first thing I noticed on your introduction is that it had the same image as your home image, There is nothing wrong with that, but if there was something else you could use for one of the pages, that could help.

    I think a storybook about twins is awesome. I am doing one that has the interactions between siblings and it creates so much to write about. I an interested to see how you are narrating as both of the twins. There could be interesting interactions there.

    There were a few words or phrases that could be simplified a bit so it can be understood better by those who may not have heard or read the story. (i.e Polyandrous romp)

    Your last few sentences did make me excited to read what you have written. Overall I think you will create a great storybook. One last criticism for your introduction is split it up into two paragraphs. As you can see from my comment, I enjoy paragraphing. That may be a personal thing, but maybe try it out and see how it looks/reads differently.

  5. Hi Brittany! I really love the look of your blog (and the storybook so far). It's so clean and nice. I love minimalist-looking blogs like this. I really like the images you chose for your story, they're really cool and I think they fit well with the topic that you're discussing. I enjoy that you're writing about this, I'm writing about an entirely different set of twins for my storybook. :)

    I'm really excited to see where you take this story and how you narrate the twins. Conversations between siblings can be fun to write, as I'm going to explore with as I write my stories. I think you wrote a great introduction to set it up, and I'm excited to see where it leads.I do think that maybe breaking up the Intro a bit into maybe a couple of paragraphs would make it a little easier to read, but that's a minor thing and it's up to you. I'm excited to see where you're going to take this story!

  6. Hi Brittany!
    I love how you're going to use your stories to make the reader think deeply about broader, more abstract topics, and I love how that's a goal you state clearly in your Intro, making the reader on the same page as you from the start. I'm excited to see where you take it. A question I had in your description of the brothers' births was if the "sunrise/sunset and physicians" label applied to the Ashvin Kumaris or to Madri? If I had to guess you're describing the Kumaris, but the clause follows your mentioning of Madri, so grammatically I think it reads a little ambiguously.

    A couple of things I noticed:
    -A typo in the spelling of birth
    -There's a lot of hedging in your description of Yama and Yumi, probably because you aren't sure if you'll actually end up including them? I know it's still early on in the process, but I would change the way you word those sentences if you do include that twin pair, because words such as "might" and "would be" take away from the power of your statements.

    Overall I love the vocabulary, look, and feel of the post, and I hope you keep it throughout the stories:)

  7. Hi Brittany!
    Really like formatting and clean look that you have given your blog and storybook. I think the biggest thing that really stuck out to me was if you are on the introduction page the "comment wall" link is hard to find because it is hidden unless you scroll down on the page. One other thing that I would maybe change is the formatting on the block text. I think for the stories as they come along and also for the introduction is add space between the different points that are made so it can be easier to read.

    I feel you have a really good outline for what you are wanting to write about as this course progresses along. If I'm being honest I don't think that I even realized that the two brothers were twins, so I find that interesting to see how you are going to play the story out between the two.

  8. Hey Brittany, I love the twin theme you are using for your storybook! To be quite honest, what pulled me into your project was the title of your storybook. Your introduction was very interesting and it is keeping me on my toes to come back to your storybook and read your stories once you add them! I really like the all black and white color theme as well; it gives your storybook a clean look. However, it was somewhat difficult to find the link for your comment wall because it is so small and hidden in your introduction page. I would definitely do something to make it easier for your readers to find! Other than that, I honestly cannot wait to read what you have in store and where your imagination will lead to with stories surrounding twins. You have a great outline for your storybook, and it seems like you are heading towards your goal for this project. Keep up the great work!

  9. Hello Brittany,
    I want to start off by saying I love the topic choice! I feel as though there is a lot of “twinness” in the Mahabharata that I did not notice initially. Thinking about in know a lot of things come to mind! I love how you summarize the Mahabharata as the dichotomies. I think that is very true because I think the writer of it seeks to summarize life in that way. There is always opposites in life, such as life and death, light and darkness. I love how your introduction sets up the stories to follow without revealing too much. You tell the reader just enough to start formulating in their mind what the stories could possibly be about. Lastly I want to comment on how good your writing is! Just reading the introduction I am being pulled into the future stories without actually reading the story! I look forward to reading your work.

  10. Hi Brittany!

    I think that this is a very interesting topic, and can't wait to read more! The first thing I noticed is that your introduction page has the same image as your home page. If you're going for a thematic look, I think this makes perfect sense, but if not, I would maybe consider using a different image. I am actually in the Mythology and Folklore class, but I am of Indian heritage so I am familiar with the theme of twins in the Mahabharata. It's not something people notice right away, and I am impressed that you chose this topic! The Mahabharata is full of wonderful stories that people often don't pay much attention. The possibilities are honestly endless! I also wanted to comment on how well written everything is. I think you're going to do a fantastic job with the storybook, and can't wait to see what you write!

  11. Hey Brittany!

    I'm really excited to see where your project is going to go. I think you've chosen a really cool topic and I'm excited to see how the duality of things works for your stories. Your introduction does a really great job of setting up the premise of your stories. I also like how you broke down each story you are going to do and explained what they will focus on. I think it's a great way to get your reader thinking.

    As for your website I think it's a little empty right now. I think since your colors are black and white it just makes for a rather empty look and feeling. I do like the overall look of the website, but think it would be nice to see either a couple of pictures or a pop of color somewhere.

    I'm excited to see your stories and see where your website goes! Great job!

  12. Hey Brittany! This is my first time visiting your story book page, and overall I am really impressed! The title first caught my attention because it is unlike any other title I have see before, and it made me want to read to find out what it meant. I also really like the layout of your website. The image you chose fit with your theme and looked really neat and professional. The website had a great design because it was super easy to navigate from each story. I was also easily able to access your comment wall which was nice. I think your idea of seeing double meanings in each story is really cool and I am excited to see how you progress with this theme later in the future. The only comment I will make about the design is possibly adding new images to each of the stories instead of keeping the same for each. It would be cool to find images that related to each story you wrote to keep it lively. Overall, I am excited to read more!

  13. Hey Brittany! Your storybook is really impressive. The aesthetic and the artwork are really great -- and you made some of the art?? That's so cool. Anyway, about your poem: this is a super cool way to present the story. You definitely broke with the expected conformity of the project and really made the storybook your own by writing in verse instead of with traditional prose. The voice this affords your writing is really unique, really individualistic and a nice break from other projects (such as my own) which tell the stories within traditional stylistic convention. That you use rhyme so consistently and well in your poem gives your story an epic feeling -- appropriate for this class! It reads like the Iliad or Odyssey. This is a really impressive start to your storybook, and I can't wait to see how you add to it and further distinguish yourself as an author with an intensely, uniquely personal voice in your writing. Great job!

  14. Hi Brittany!
    I really like how the appearance of your blog and of your storybook tie together. It also seems like it would be a really fun theme I would never have thought of myself. The duality between the two is something I don't think is a common thought at all really. I like how you laid it all out the all the possibilities that could be covered by this topic. It is also very different you chose a poetry format. All the others I have seen or read, myself included, all seem to be by traditional prose so it is a nice change. It had a really nice lilt to the phrasing that reads wonderfully. It will be cool to see how you finish the storybook!

  15. Hi, Brittany! Your storybook has such a unique and fascinating topic choice! I wasn’t even aware of this theme throughout the Mahabharata, but it makes total sense now! I think your presentation is very clean, which I love, but sometimes just the black and white can be a little hard to read. That being said, I think a slightly bigger or bolder font would solve this problem instantly! I love the poetic format of your story. Your use of rhyme is so cleverly done! I especially appreciated that you focused in on Satyavati, since her character kind of gets lost amongst all of the craziness that happens in the Mahabharata. I love that you also brought in Yama and Yami. I thought this parallel between the characters really added to the plot. Overall, I thought your story was very entertaining and I could really tell that you put a lot of thought and detail into writing it!

  16. Hi Brittany! Your storybook is put together very well! I am always impressed with people who can write poetry. All that rhyming and planning seems almost impossible to me. After reading your first story, I wondered if Satyavati knew that she was separated from her twin or why. If would be interesting to hear some of the inferred fortunes of her anonymous brother! Maybe you can dedicate a few lines to explore some of the possibilities, including how his life might have been affected by the separation. As I read the poem, I was also interested in knowing what her life would be like if they were not separated. Would her son remember his loving uncle and the bond he shared with his mother? I have a twin brother, and I couldn't imagine who I would be without him. I really enjoyed the work and imagination you put into your storybook. It would be fun to see a couple more pictures - do you have any illustrations or pictures of Satyavati or maybe the river she grew up beside? Good luck with the rest of the semester and your storybook! It is coming along swimmingly!

  17. Hi Brittany! I really like the layout of your storybook and the overall theme that you use for the storybook. The retelling choice that you have used for your storybook is a really good idea and it seems you have a really good plan for it. It is interesting to read the first story because I didn't use the PDE versions for the reading and so its nice to get another perspective on the Indian stories.

    The story really stays with the plot you have lined out in the introduction of your storybook. The story was well written and was really easy to follow. The use of the poems really was an added content strength to the story. I applaud you in how well the poem was written. I think the only real criticism that I would have is maybe adding a little more context into each of the characters background and thoughts. Which maybe that is your plan in the future stories, I'm not sure. However, overall I think you have done a great job with the story.

  18. Hi Brittany!
    It’s so cool that your first story is a poem! Focusing on author’s notes this week, for your bibliography on this story, it might be worth it to include links to the specific stories you are referring to in the PDE Mahabharata so the reader can reread the story if they want. The note itself does an excellent job of explaining the parallels between your story and the original, and also explaining the depth behind certain aspects of your story. I love that you mention how you are a twin yourself and how your experience as a twin comes through in your poem. After reading your author’s note, I don’t have much confusion at all and can pretty clearly understand the original story and your thought process in the retelling. The only thing I think that would make the note even better would be to link the specific parts of the Mahabharata, like where Satyavati’s story is and where Yama and Yami are mentioned.

  19. Hey Brittany,

    I want to start off by saying how unique your project theme is. I don't think anyone else in this course is exploring the twinhood. Though I'm not sure if twinhood is an actual word, I do appreciate the overall theme. Your banner images give a syfy element that prefaces the stories in your storybook. I really enjoyed reading your first story that is written in the style of a poem. I think it was really clever of you to incorporate a unique style that parallels the uniqueness of your theme. I appreciate you explaining how you are a twin yourself, which gives the readers an insight into your writing and in turn, allows readers to better connect with the stories at hand. The only suggestion you may consider is uploading more stories to your storybook. The introduction and first story is a great start, but I would like to see a more in-depth story that explores the topic of twinhood. Overall, great job!

  20. Hey Brittany,

    I was just here on your comment wall earlier last week, and it seems like you haven't made much progress on your storybook. Like I have mentioned before, I still do think that you had such a unique project theme. I really enjoyed reading your first story, "Satyavati." You did a great job with the style and prose of this particular story. I really like how you aligned the words to the center, which I think this added element really allows readers to connect with your theme better. I also really appreciate the way you wrote this story as almost like a big poem, which is reminiscent to the theme of whole semester: epics. The pictures incorporated in your first story are good choices in allowing readers to illustrate the story better in their heads. The second picture of the sunset overlooking the river is a nice visual that sets the supernatural tone of this story.


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